aspirin

you need to see a doctor. i'm not a doctor so you should've not met me instead. take some aspirins, don't take me cause i can't handle your illness. i don't understand what to do, while everything around is getting more complicated than before. sometimes i regret my decision to ask you about this whole thing. because it led you to be a more powerful yet destructive material to me.
you should see her, take a walk with her. not me. stop making me your excuses to reject her phone calls, or delete her messages. we were wrong. we are. i am. you should tell those things to her, instead of me. i might be a good listener and problem solver but she is a very very good lover who gave much of her love to you.
oh, don't talk about love. you don't even know what love means. even i don't. saying to someone that you love her means that you have to be responsible for every impact of your love to that girl. saying your love to me means that you have to be responsible for being serious with that. and i doubt it. i just don't know. don't talk about love that easy. love can be fun, yet painful at the same time so be careful with it.
i am not your garbage so stop calling me when you need someone to lean on to. you really, really, should learn how to be a single fighter because i can't be there for you forever. as i told you, don't treat me like an aspirin. find your other cure.
life is about choice and seriously, you have to choose. i didn't ask you to choose but at leat let me choose my own way. even if there's no more you in that way. hopefully that's a highway that could relaxing my mind so it'll be fun with or without you. i'm not gonna take you as my aspirin when i get hurt in this process. i'll fight alone. because i don't wanna be on the same low level as you.

thanks for making me stronger.
thanks for making me fighter/

holiday

love can be fun. love might be hurt. love can be everything you want it to.

come back home. soon.

an evil

god, forgive me for being such an evil. i'm a kind of person that never be the first to throw the war no matter how angry i am. but this time i do it. i threw out some bitchy sentences to them, while they're actually say nothing before. i know those jerks are so annoying yet so chicken for being so coward after me, and they actually deserve that. i just.. it's not my thing to start a fight but this time they're too much! i feel so superior back then, knowing that they couldn't say a thing to me, realizing that they ARE wrong and what i was saying was painfully true but still, i feel sorry for that. forgive me god. for enjoying their guiltiness crash their own self. forgive me.

december.

Remember when we used to talk
sharing our hearts went through the night
your voice whispering in my ear
we take it slow let the love talking

But now you seem to holding back
the way you feel about my heart
i just can feel your emptiness
baby be cool and you will know

Love can be fun
love may be hurt
love can be everything
you want it to
open your eyes
just see it through
and just give it a try
love will find you

-aditya, love will find you-

p.s: i'm coming home. how about you?

?

i'm questioning my self whether to fight, or to move on. while fighting ain't my ability, i'll pretend to move on maybe. just pretend. in case you're turning back someday, who know?

sincerely,
308.199.0

this pretty much sums up what i mean by there's a hole in my lung

i just don't know what happen. and when did it start. but i would cry, everytime i'm thinking about you. or seeing you from distance. i just don't know.

could it be?

resolusi:
 1. stop procrastinating
 2. stop ngomong kasar
 3. stop cemberut cemberut
 4. stop mendem di hati
 5. start think positive
 6. smile everytime. don't be too much
 7. belajar masak :D
 8. jaga omongan
 9. stop judging people
 10. talk about what i want. not just hoping someone could read my mind and pursue it for me.
 11. sapa orang duluan. jangan ngarep disapa macem artis
 12. stop being so kepo. stay casual
 13. soften my laughter. jangan kaya neneknenek antagonis :D
 14. be realistic. stop hping too much about anything
 15. stop ngeluh
 16. stop being overacting
 17. appreciate my self, stop looking too often to the ground